Convenient

Life is not always convenient. Children don't always do things that are "convenient". I read in Choosing to See  by Mary Beth Chapman, that if you want your life to be tidy, organized, and nice life you should not adopt an orphan. I will have to say that this past month has rocked my life...MY simple, organized, convenient life. I don't deal with change very well, which I always found to be funny that God called me to adopt...because adoption is ALL change! God has been teaching me that MY plans for the day...or night are not mine but HIS plans. I find myself having a hard time lately "enjoying" life, letting go of my schedule, and just let things be. Before Drew's surgery, Drew had NO problem sleeping through the night. I need sleep to be a productive and sane mommy. After Drew's surgery, he had problem sleeping. Getting frusrtated with his arm restraints, waking up 2-3 times a night. Sometimes I would be able to get him to sleep very quickly and then other times we would be up for hours. I kept telling myself that once the arm restraints are off, things will go back to "normal". I will get my 8 hours of sleep and he will too. But that has not happened...yet. God is teaching me that sometimes life is not convenient. That sleep is not the most important thing at night. Loving a child that has had 10 1/2 months of crying himself to sleep is the most important at this moment. Hopefully when he is 5 we still not be waking up 2-3 times a night needing mommy :) but if he does I pray that I will be there for him.

You prepare for the adoption by reading books, listening to people, and whatever else it might take, but just like having a biological child, nothing can prepare you until you have that child in your home with all the other craziness. With each child and change that comes into my life, it has taken me a few months, if not longer, to get "use" to my new life. I would NEVER change my life or the people in my life but getting use to my new life and figuring out how to handle each person and situation is the challenge right now. Drew is awesome! His smile is contagious. I am amazed each day how well he is doing with bonding with us but also phyiscally. He is full of life.

People ask how things are going and I smile and say great. But to be honest, inside I'm not doing great. I feel like I'm failing as a mother. At times I feel like I'm treading water. At any moment I will drown. I know that the BIGGEST problem and also solution: relying on God and staying close to HIM. do not lean on my own understanding (feeling, emotions, circumstances) but in EVERYTHING give it to HIM. Up to this point I have been trying to do this month on my own. I have been a Christian, believer in my Lord for over 25+ years, you would think that this would come naturally, to give Him the problem. But for me I like to take control, I like to solve the problem, I like to live in my plans, I like to see things my way b/c we all know things go more smoother my way :(  NOT!!!! Giving God my sleep, my plans, my Drew is the solution and only solution. Will things get "better" right away...NO...but my attitude will. My love for my family will. My love for my job will.

I need to get over myself (new thought I know...God has been trying to get me to learn it for some time), surrender my time, see my mission field here at home (invest spiritually to these little lives), and realize that not all people or circumstances are "convenient" to my plan but they are convenient to God's.
Lately God has laid two phases on my mind: Be Content with ALL circumstances and Life is Not always Convenient.

As you can see change is difficult for me...God is not done with me yet. I pray that I will allow Him to work in me and take lifes inconviences and say Bless you Lord, Thank You Lord!!! If you are reading this and thinking oh my word, that girl is loosing it...well I might be but here are a few examples of change and how I handled them in the past to give you an idea :)
        1.) We moved from a tiny, tiny rental house to a much bigger brick house, what did I do....cry and cry. Why I'm not sure. nor did Mark :)
        2.) When we came home from the hospital with Mahala, she was not nursing well. the pressure of being the "good" mom and nursing her and her gaining weight was overwhelming to me. I remember crying alot those first few weeks. until we kind-of got into a rythm with nursing and started gaining weight.
        3.) When Olivia came home, I had BIG trouble with that change. I think I was going through some depression b/c I really did not like Olivia...could it be that she cried ALOT or was it that I wanted my simple life to go back the way it was...not sure but it was a very diffucult 3 months. Now she is my hug-bug and would not change a thing :)
         4.) with Adie, at first, I had no problem. but i would say now she has become "inconvenient" to my schedule. she is very active, into EVERYTHING, and never ending! This is completely opposite of me, which is why I'm struggling. With her needing so much right now and Drew also needing the same amount that does not leave much for two other little girls, husband and myself.

Every child and person in my life is WORTH all the "inconveniences" that they might bring and WORTH every minute spent! I love them ALL and would not change a thing but right now the "Change" that our family is going through is rocking my life but the great thing is I have a ROCK and he is JESUS!!!

Songs speak to me, they strength me, encourage me and also convict me.
          Hold Me by Jamie Grace encourages me that GOD is HOLDING me despite my "problems"
          Faithful by Chris Tomlin encourages me that God is Faithful ALL the time!
          Blessings by Laura Story, some blessings come in different "packages"
          Stronger by Mendisa, makes me know that there is a purpose to all of this, to make me stronger in my Lord

I Thes 5:16-18 "Rejoice Always, Pray without ceasing, give THANKS in ALL circumstances for this is the WILL of GOD in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 34:1a "I will BLESS the LORD at ALL times"

Psalm 55:22 "Cast your burden on the Lord, and HE will sustain you."

Give Drew a Balloon and he is in Heaven :)

Olivia's First Day of Preschool

Mahala's 7th Birthday Pictures

Mahala got her ears pierced for her birthday :)

Princess Adie at her birthday party :)

Adie is very proud of her doings...she picked green & red tomatoes off the tomato plant :(

In His Time! Worth it ALL! Love the Hess'