Pool Days are almost Over

Enjoying a Popsicle at Grandma's House!

I made a little "pool" out of the boat because Adeline will not stay in a baby float or in your arms...she wants to move

Did You Know?

Did you know these famous people were adopted?

Mark Acre (baseball player)

Louisa May Alcott (writer)

Alexander the Great

Aristotle (philosopher)

Freddie Bartholomew (actor)

Shari Belafonte-Harper (actress)

Ingrid Bergman (actress)

Les Brown (motivational speaker)

Richard Burton (actor)

George Washington Carver (inventor)

President Bill Clinton ~ adopted by his step-father

Nat King Cole (singer)

Christina Crawford (writer)

Crazy Horse (Lakota War Chief)

Daunte Culpepper (football player)

Faith Daniels (TV personality)

Ted Danson (actor)

Charles Dickens (writer)

Eric Dickerson (football player)

President Gerald Ford

Melissa and Sara Gilbert (actresses)

Scott Hamilton (figure skater)
Faith Hill

Langston Hughes (post and writer)

Jesse Jackson (political activist)
Steve Jobs (cofounder of Apple Computer

Dalai Lama

John Lennon (musician) ~ adopted by his Aunt

Pay Liotta (actor

Greg Louganis (diver)

Malcolm X (civil rights leader)

Nelson Mandela (leader and politician)

Sarah McLachlan (singer)

Marilyn Monroe (actress)

Moses

Edgar Allen Poe

Priscilla Presley

Nancy Reagan

Eleanor Roosevelt

Dave Thomas (founder of Wendy's)

Mark Twain

I'm know the list could go on....

Immigrations

I called immigrations today hoping to hear that our paperwork is OUT of the mail room. IT IS!!!! Though it still has not been assigned a caseworker...just got released on Friday! So hopefully it will get assigned this week and we can start moving in the right direction. Right now I'm finishing up all the other parts to our Dossier so that when I get our immigration paper, I can send all the documents to the Chinese consulate in Chicago and hopefully then send off our dossier!!!! Which means once our dossier is logged in to China we are able to receive a referral.

Mahala Corner: She started school last week :( She is in 1/2 day kindergarten. It has been nice to have that extra time with just Olivia and Adeline but I do miss her. What will I do when she goes all day!

Olivia's Corner: She started fall soccer last week for the first. For the past 2 years she has been sitting on the side lines with me watching big sis play all the sports so now it is her turn and big sis watches her! She is doing really good. Tomorrow is her first game.

Adeline's Corner: She is everywhere. She loves taking a bath. Tonight Mark had all 3 girls in the bath tub. Adeline LOVED it!

First Book Report

I want to share with you what I'm learning from the books we are reading. Adoption is not just the immediate family issue but it is a family affair. Just as each of you have a hand in helping our biological children grow, learn, and love, you will also have that much and if not more of a hand in helping our son as he joins our family: adjust to a new world, learn to attach to a family, trust a family, love a family, respond to people and accept the loss in his life. You too will need to be prepared for his questions, outsiders comments, and even know why we might do the things we do with him. Below is my "cliff" notes from a book called Twenty things adopted kids wish their adoptive parents knew. The author is from Indianapolis and is an adoptee. It is long but hopefully helpful. Thanks for taking the time and investing in his life this way!!!!!

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge
• Difference doesn’t mean he is inferior rather they are proof that he is UNIQUELY and WONDERFULLY MADE!

• Don’t overemphasize differences…bring them up only as they seem appropriate and at times that EDIFY him

• “Please respect my privacy regarding my adoption. Don’t tell other people without my consent.” Don’t share medical history or even his adoption story with everyone. The only people outside of extended family that needs to know is his doctor and maybe teacher. We want him to meet people with a "clean" slate. Don't want people to already have "judgements" in their mind about him because they know about his medical history or birth family history.

• Just as we would not introduce a child from divorce parents as “a child of divorce” why introduce him as the “adopted child”…he is our child!!!!! If people ask in front of him questions about his adoption, don't give his life history just sweet short answer but with pride. don't want to make him feel like it is an embarrassment to the family that he is adopted. want him to be proud of his heritage.

• To deny adoption loss is to deny the emotional reality of everyone involve (birth parents, child, adoptive parents, relatives)

• Loss, if left unresolved, this grief can and often does sabotage the strongest of families and the deepest potential within the adopted child

• One reason adoption loss is not grieved is that the adopted child may outwardly appear “fine”. What they want and need the most, they often resist.

• If ungrieved adoption loss hurts so bad, they why don’t they talk about it? Terror…terrified of rejection

• **Adoptees not only need to be given permission to talk about their uncomfortable feelings, they need to be openly invited and encouraged to do so.

• Sometimes it is hard to put into words what they are feeling

• One of the most sacrificial acts of love adoptive parents can do is to give up their preconceptions and agendas about what their child’s views “should” be and be open to hear the conflicting emotions and thoughts their child often experiences.

• Talk to him about his birth mommy. “you must miss her.” “I bet you get that from her”

• All adoptions are OPEN – all the child’s history is shared with him.

• He needs education about adoption, through adoption children books, support groups,

• Every adopted child has “Special Needs”

o Emotional:

 Help in recognizing loss and grief

 Assured that his birth parents decision not to parent him had nothing to do with anything defective in him

 Help in learning to deal with his fears of rejection – absence doesn’t mean abandonment

 Permission to express feeling and fantasies

o Educational

 Taught about adoption

 Know his adoption story first, then his birth story, and birth family

 That he is prepared for hurtful things others may say about adoption and about him as the adoptee

o Validation

 Validation of my dual heritage (biological & adoptive)

 Assured often that he is welcomed , worthy, needed

 That we delight in his biological differences and appreciate his birth family’s unique contribution.

o Relational

 Friendships with other adoptees

• Best way young adoptees can accept the reality of loss is through parental validation

• Okay to say “I don’t smell like your birth mom, don’t sound like her. I love you and I’m not going to leave you.” Acknowledge our differences but sharing our love for him.

• Might be difficult for him to enter new groups or take on new endeavors

• Need simple connection to the birth family: name, location

• Reassure your child: emphasize to him the true reason for the relinquishment/abandment, okay to be angry, find a counselor

• One way to help him talk is through fantasy, story telling

• Adoption story as a fairy tale: themes of loss (being forgotten), rescue (being found), & redemption (being worthy)

• The adoptive parent’s greatest fear is rejection from him

• Foster a non-competitive spirit

• Be confident in our roles

• At earliest age possible: introduce information about his birth family. Let him lead! Expect questions about his birth family as early as age 3

• Affirm your child’s value

• Need to know “I’m here…you’re safe…I won’t leave you” is one that eclipses all others.

• Birth mom and him are not the same…her lifestyle and choices don’t define his identity…he is his own person.

• Let him know that his “no” (his attitude, his rejection, his unwilling to talk) is just as lovable as his “yes”

• Affirm, Affirm, Affirm

o I will do my best to connect with him

o He can count on me

o He might push but I will not let him push me away

o I will care for him and myself

o We can both tell the truth and be responsible for our behaviors

o I support him in learning what he may want to know about his heritage

o He is lovable just the way he is

• In most cultures many assume that resemblance in family is the most important thing, what about adoptees…if we put so much on resemblances?

• Look for differences and praise them

• Not knowing his medical history will be difficult for him…filing out doctor forms, when asked “ does_____ run in your family?, college forms.

• Even if he decides to search for his birth family. We will always be his parents.

WAIT WAIT WAIT

I emailed the office that should have our immigration paperwork now...only to find out that our paperwork is in the....MAIL ROOM!!!! They did say to check back in two weeks...I'm sure I will but I don't want to upset them. Patience is something that God is really teaching me at this moment. 

In the waiting time, I have organized all the paperwork for our Dossier so that once we get our I-171H we can get STARTED! Getting Books from the Library about adoption. And trying to figure out what we want to do about his room. I did find some camo crib set at Bass Pro Shop. But do I really want to get that started just yet. Next thing I know the baby will have Bob and Fred (Mark's deer heads) in the his room...poor thing will be scared to death.

The Girls Corner: Mahala & Olivia just spent 5 days & 4 nights with their Nana & Papaw at Holiday World. They had a great time. I was a little bored. I seem to have SO much to do when they are here but when they are gone it all disappears. I think Adeline missed them the first few days but toward then end I think she was liking just having me all to herself. Today when I was hugging Olivia she started climbing me and crying. Can a 9 month old be jealous???? Tomorrow hopefully we will make it to the county fair. I told Mahala that they are not going to ride any rides because they just spent several days at holiday world. As I was putting Mahala to bed she said "We really don't ride many rides at holiday world, we like the water park". I said "okay".  She said, "so can we ride rides at the fair". ; ) She is always thinking!! A good thing but sometimes not a fun thing for a mom!

Olivia will turn 4 in 10 days (August 1st)! We have started taking the girls out to dinner where ever they want to go. Olivia picks McDonald's (Surprised!). She also wants a new Build a Bear. Of course Mahala is already asking if she can have something there too...once again she is always thinking...mostly about herself...like most 5 years old :)

Mahala will start school August 10th...boy I don't remember starting this early! We are entering a new phase in our parenting...school and i don't like it. They grow up way too fast!

Still Waiting

Got another letter from immigrations...really would like the only letter that matters right now...but this one told us that our paperwork is being transferred to another department that works with adoption cases...so now we wait some more!!! 

Once we get the immigration approval letter then the paper chase will be on! The Dossier is crazy but a little fun...because at least this part I'm doing something and not waiting on others...but I guess the waiting is good for me! Makes me look to God rather than myself! Once I get the Dossier done and it is logged into China our agency seems to think we could get a referral within 6 months!!! Crazy!!! I'm so excited to see his little face. Already started thinking about how to decorate his room...I'm thinking sports theme but Mark mentioned camo :) Is anyone surprised ?!?! We will see. Seeing blue with be a little weird :)

Immigrations

Well we got a letter yesterday from Immigrations...I was so excited to open it...only to find out that we need to make a correction on our homestudy...hopefully once that is taken care of we will be GOOD TO GO!